i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
