i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize