Did you just see the Batmobile???
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
