WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize