the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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