Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
