What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
