For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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