i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
