glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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