R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
