So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
