i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
