If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
