im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize