Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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