god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
