Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
