toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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