the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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