4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
