Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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