Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
accomplished twins. life is a go
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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