He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
