im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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