He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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