his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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