Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My balls are so social today.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize