I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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