halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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