I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
