It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
