I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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