You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
