She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize