Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is my gift to your gina
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
