Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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