explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
