What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
