great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
