no, he came in my armpit
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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