Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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