You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will be naked everywhere
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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