yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
