I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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