I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
