I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
