He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
