I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
