Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Welp...herpes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
