Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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