Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
