I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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