You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
