I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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