well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
