Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
