So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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