dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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