I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
