Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
