what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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