My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
