According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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