Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
