I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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