I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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