it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
