Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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