All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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