I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
