New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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