I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize