my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
