The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
