true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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