No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
