Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize